As I’ve started to look back on this year, while it’s been challenging in so many ways, I see that I have so many more things to be thankful for. I say this humbly, knowing that I am deeply privileged in so many ways that I take for granted each and every day. The gifts that flow in and out of my life each year are unique in their blessings. Some I’ve perhaps clung onto too much; others I’ve simply ignored. Today and every day forward, I’d like to promise myself to live more fully aware of all these blessings. As I’ve committed to more conscious living, I hope this is a promise I will keep. It brings to mind the inspiration I received from Sadhguru’s “Inner Engineering” course, challenging me with the idea that there is no outside barrier to living a joyful existence. It is simply an inner choice. This promise also reminds me of a daily affirmation I’ve been saying all year: “With God-like thoughts, I bring a God-like world into being.”
I am deeply grateful that I took heed of what I can only describe as an inner divine intervention that led up to August 2019, the month I gave up drinking. I am in awe of the blessed timing of this event. The very first step in the 12-step program is about surrender. This step is about accepting that you ultimately have no control over life. A lot of people bristle at this idea, especially if they are of the bootstrap mentality. But to me, this idea is freeing. There were so many things about life I had been trying to control unsuccessfully, it was making me miserable. When I was finally able to surrender my false idea of control, I was able to relax into life much more easily. Then, when COVID hit, I was able to adapt more quickly because of my having surrendered. Plus, I cannot imagine what my life would have been like if I had still been drinking. I am afraid I would have gone off the deep end. Every time I think about this, I’m deeply grateful for the synchronicity of the timing. It makes me feel like someone is watching over me.
Another daily affirmation I’ve been saying this year is “I’m thankful for my uniquely loving family.” When I began to contemplate more fully this little family I co-created, I started to understand, and then to admire how stubbornly we have each stood up for the right to be uniquely ourselves in the world. My husband Peter and I both have equal parts of conforming and rebelling during our life’s journey so far, but I see how we’re both growing more comfortable leaning into our uniqueness. I think it’s been our daughter Zen’s own courageous journey that’s helped both of us grow in this area, to be honest. I won’t speak for Peter, but I know it’s really shifted things for me in a big way. I’m starting to see myself more clearly because of Zen and in doing so, I’m starting to see Peter more clearly too. I’m so grateful that Zen’s journey has given me more courage to start my own journey toward embracing more of my authentic self. To me this is the heart of what a soul’s journey is really about.
I am so grateful for the wonderful community we found in Zen’s school and the house we were lucky enough to stumble upon in the middle of this pandemic. Zen’s tight school community has been such a godsend in the way that its members have been able to adapt themselves and the kids to this new environment. The community even came together to build a couple of amazing outdoor structures where the kids could come back to campus for a few weeks of normalcy. These outdoor structures will continue to serve this community long after the virus has left us. I’m in awe of this community. We are truly lucky to be a part of it. The house that we found has also been such a blessing: The “just right spaciousness” of it for our small family, the beautiful tree lined backyard, the lush greenery of the neighborhood. It has tremendously eased the pain of having to live through the isolation. I couldn’t have imagined a better place to have landed in this situation.
I’m not sure how I would have survived this year without the help of a few online spiritual communities I’ve been lucky enough to be a part of. Even if at times I dove in too deep, and the focus became too intense for me to handle. Having a daily meditation practice; growing in areas of self-observation; separating my thoughts and emotions from my core identity; embracing my own and other people’s multiplicity; and focusing on increasing my capacity to love myself and others, have all really been beneficial to me during this time. It’s also super-helpful to be on this spiritual journey with others. The people I’ve met have changed my life in one way or another and mostly in positive ways. Even the challenging relationships have helped me grow in ways that I could not have imagined. In The Work they have this saying, “I owe you everything, you owe me nothing.” It is empowering to look at each challenge this way. What are you here to teach me? What can I learn from this situation? I believe we attract each person into our life to learn something about ourselves. Sometimes these encounters can be super challenging, but these are the ones that help you grow the most. I’m especially thankful for those — even if it takes me awhile to understand and acknowledge it.
Most importantly, I’m thankful to be alive and healthy one more day. If I’m lucky enough to wake up tomorrow, I will smile and make my intention to live from a place of joy and love. Each day, I will make this my intention:
“Today I will create a loving world.”
Will you please join me?
